You Are Nothing
by miserycrush
Summary: Placed after TFA my take on the Last Jedi. Lost in herself she is finding she isn't progressing as quickly as she wanted with Master Luke. She can't shake the darkness in her, the itch that couldn't be scratched. Until Kylo offers to help her.


Lost didn't seem like the right word to describe the feelings I was experiencing. Betrayed? Robbed? Heartbroken. None of these words seemed to be enough to describe the kind of pressure I was feeling in my chest or the sickness that rocked my stomach. Between losing Han, Finn in a coma I managed to lose two of the closest people I've ever had in a matter of days. It didn't matter either, I had to swallow all of the pain, grief, and sadness that threatened to knock my legs out from underneath me and swallow me whole. The people didn't need that, they needed a fighter, someone who was strong and willing. And I can't be that if I curl into a ball and cry until my body wasn't able to produce tears anymore.

I haven't felt right since I got off of the Starkiller base since we arrived at the Rebels base I have left Finn's side in the last twenty-four hours. He had surgery, spinal surgery and he would need to rest for at least a week or two uninterrupted if his chances of walking were going to be good. I've had one meal, and about three hours of sleep since we arrived. There was a moment where a chill ran up my spine and my chest suddenly felt heavy, it felt like every time I breathed I felt someone else's breathe syncing with mine, everything was so quiet around me, except that person's breath. But there was never anyone around me.

Straightening my back and grinding my teeth I put on my brave face as I entered the small cave that held the control center of the Resistance. I was already aware of the task at hand, I had the Force and it needed to be trained, by the last Jedi known to mankind. Luke Skywalker. Three days ago I thought it was all a myth, Jedi's, lightsabers, the Force. Now experiencing it I was terrified of the power I had bottled up inside me. I've seen what it can do at the hands of Kylo Ren.

When General Organa heard I was Force-sensitive she looked at me like I was a here flying in with a cape around me. I wasn't a hero, I'm a nobody scavenger off a nobody planet called Jakku. I glanced over at Leia who was directing various groups on their new missions at hand. How did General Organa do it? I wasn't around Han long, just enough to have a small bond to him, looked up to him as the father I wished I had. But she… she just endured her own son kill her husband. I know Kylo Ren is many things but his own father? I can't even fathom what that must feel like.

I've gone my nineteen years wondering why my parents had abandoned me on Jakku with that disgusting scum Plutt. I marked every day that went by, wondering when they were going to come back but there was always that thought that plagued my mind, the same thought that Maz reminded me of the truth that they were never coming back. But Kylo, he had two parents who loved him, they still love him though he had been seduced by the Dark Side and done unspeakable things.

"You must find him, Rey," Leia whispered, as she gently guided me out of the control room and into a dimly lit hallway. Her touch was comforting on my arm, right above my elbow. I imagine this is what it would feel like if my mother were to touch me. "Luke will be able to teach you the ways of the Force." She explained while reaching down to grab my hand. I watched in silence as she wrapped my fingers around the small piece of jagged metal that contained the map to Luke Skywalker.

"What are you going to do?" I found myself asking, as I looked back up into the sad and tired eyes of General Organa.

"What I always do, kid." She smiled and I could physically feel my heart crack and the pet name Han also called me. "Fight. Now Chewie is waiting with the falcon you're all fueled and ready to go." Gripping the map tightly I managed a nod as I readjusted the pack on my back and made my way out of the long dark tunnel towards the opening of the base. "Rey," the General called before I reached the opening. I already knew what she was about to say, almost like I heard the words in her head. "May the Force be with you." All I could do was nod before making my way out of the cave and into the bright sun of Yavin. The Falcon was waiting for me, I could see the fury Wookiee in the copilot seat waiting for me, his heart just as broken as mine over the loss of his friend. I could feel the eyes on me as I made my way to my sh- Chewies ship. Well, the Rebels ship.

"Arghhhh." The Wookieeeee growled as I entered the cockpit, throwing my bag into the back seat and propping my staff behind the pilot's seat. It wasn't much of a weapon but I couldn't part with it.

"I'm fine," I replied as I took a seat in the pilot's spot, Hans old spot. I passed the map over to Chewie letting him punch in the coordinates while I warmed up the ship, activating shields, and thrusters. I tried to keep my eyes off of the people watching us from outside of the ship, cheering us on, some hugging each other while they looked up at us. My mind flooded back to how it must feel to be a part of something, to have a family and friends like these people do.

"Got some room for two more?" a voice behind us asked, making both Chewie and I whip around. It was the X-Wing fighter pilot that Finn helped escaped, and his orange and white droid, BB-8 whom I have become quite attached to.

"You want to go?" I asked surprised, we were expecting much of a challenge or surprise on this trip to Ahch-To. It was a very quiet and remote island, Chewie and I were really planning on getting in and getting out no complications in between. "It won't be the excitement you're used to."

"BB and I could use a little vacation," Poe said while moving my bag to take the seat directly behind Chewie. I almost laughed when the BB unit beeped in agreement with his owner. Almost.

"Argh!" Chewie cried while turning his attention back to the controls.

"They won't eat your food," I mumbled and began to rev the Falcon up till we were ready to take off. Chewie worked quietly as we got the Falcon up into the atmosphere before we punched it into hyperspace. We should arrive there in about two hours, it was enough time for me to shower and possibly sleep. "I'm going to my quarters," I informed Chewie as I unbuckled from my seat. The Wookiee only nodded as I passed him, grabbing my pack at Poe's feet before heading down the long hall, I left my staff propped up against the pilot's seat.

"Rey!" Poe called after me, I didn't have to turn to know both him and BB-8 were on my heels.

"You're not here for a vacation are you, Poe?" I asked as we rounded a corner heading towards the sleeping quarters.

"Depends on what you think I'm here for." he chuckled while walking beside me. I couldn't ignore the fact that as we walked down the narrow hallway his arm kept brushing against mine.

"I think Leia sent you in case something goes wrong," I responded.

"Can't hurt to have a Resistance Pilot on your side," he smirked. I came to a halt at the first sleeping quarter, I quickly pivoted to face Poe in the narrow hallway, maybe six inches were between us.

"She sent you in case I go wrong," The slight twitch in his smile gave me the answer I needed. "In case I got to the dark side."

"No-" he began but I cut him short.

"I would've done the same thing," I stated it's true. This power that is in me, the power I used to defeat Kylo its big, massive even, and I don't know where it starts or ends.

"I'm here to protect you, Rey," he said, softly. "You're important and we can't have anyone getting their hands on you."

"The wrong hands," I muttered while turning to open the door to my sleeping quarters. "I'll be out in an hour." I didn't wait for Poe's response, letting the door seal me away from him. It was small quarters, not the captain's quarters I couldn't bring myself to move Hans stuff, so Chewie is staying in there. But it had a bed and a refresher which was all I needed. I placed my pack onto the bed, and began pulling out a new tunic and robes, my light grey ones were in a desperate need of a wash, I wasn't looking forward to how badly my chest wrap must smell. The new robes and tunic were a darker grey compared to what she was wearing now, including a vest a well and darker grey arm wraps, and chest wrap, but still a lighter colored top.

Grabbing the bundle of clothes I made my way to the refresher, securing the door behind me. It was small, but I never had one on Jakku so I wasn't going to complain. I turned the knobs of the shower as high as they would go as I began to undress. Dirt and dried blood seemed to cling to every corner of my body, Finn's blood from where Kylo struck him. I let the clothes pile up on the counter until I was bare, I purposefully avoided the mirror not wanting to see myself, see the weakening condition my body was in. I could feel the bruises and cuts but I didn't think I could handle the sight of them. Stepping into the shower I felt my tense muscles melt away as the hot water poured over me. I pulled my hair loose from its stiff position on my head, letting the water wash away the dirt and grime that clung to it. I didn't spend much time in the shower, quickly lathered myself up and washed myself down till I was clean and got out, wrapping an old towel around my body. While the mirror was fogged I changed into my cleaner clothes surprised they fit my malnourished body. Living on Jakku and eating only a quarters portion a day I wasn't what you would call healthy. I was thin but muscular, I could run for hours. I have run for hours.

Once my arm wraps were in place I exited the refresher and began to stuff the clothes in my pack not bothering to mess with my wet hair. While folding the clothes the same familiar chill ran up my spine causing me to freeze as the low hum of the Falcon began to fade away like a vacuum had sucked all the air and sound out till all you could hear was mine and someone else breathing. This time as different, I could feel them, their presence behind me. Their breath in sync with mine, expect it was louder and deeper. My hands began to shake as I made to fists to keep my crippling fear inside of me. You have to turn around Rey. Slowly I began to turn around, my eyes scanning the room until they fell onto a tall dark figure, a figure that was too soon for me to see. He stood about five feet from me, his back facing the door, his giant body mass basically covered the door. My molars grounded together as I looked up into the empty hazel eyes, he had a scar now over his right eye. It began right about his eyebrow down his cheek and to his throat till it disappeared under his black tunic, the mark I gave him. How did it heal so fast? I'm sure the First Order has the best medics, fear and intimidation can buy.

"How?" he finally spoke, his voice echoed through the quiet room. I couldn't muster the words as I glared at him from my glued position. "You're not doing this," he whispered, as his dark eyes glanced over my body, and around me. "The effort would kill you." My fist clenched harder, I could feel the skin begin to break. "Can you see my surroundings?" he asked, as he looked behind him, before returning his dark gaze towards me. No, I couldn't it was just him, and his tall, dark features.

"How could you?" I found myself asking, my voice cracking with sadness. "He was your father." Silence echoed between us until he took a step forward towards me. I quickly took one back, I'm sure he could hear my heart pounding.

"I only see you, you're wet," he observed while taking another step towards me, his massive black boots silent against the floor of the Falcon. "This is different." One step forward, one step back. "Where are you?"

"You don't even care," I whispered while taking another step back, my hand guiding me alongside the bed. "You almost killed Finn."

"I'm sorry I couldn't finish the job." he sneered. Taking one more step back, I gasped once my back smacked against the wall. I was trapped, against the wall with a monster in between me and the door. "Where are you?" he pressed, as he slowly closed the distance till he mere inches away from me.

"I will never tell you," I growled, watching as a sick smile began to spread across his lips.

"You will," he breathed. "You'll turn Rey, and you'll tell me everything." He quickly raised his arms, placing both black gloves besides my head. Snapping my head to the side, I clenched my fist to keep from cringing as he leaned in to whisper in my ear. "You'll need me," he spat. "You need to know how to feed that dark urge and energy inside of you Rey." All I could do was shake my head, my mouth tasting like metal as I bit into my lip. "Don't lie, you know you felt it when we fought," he paused, his breath washing over the side of my face making me squeeze my eyes shut. "Made your heart race, your skin tingle, your muscles tight. You'll crave it, Rey. Do unspeakable things till you can have it again."

"I'm not like you." I hissed, as I forced myself to look up at him. He was closer than I thought, he toward over me even with his bowed down towards mine. "I'm not a monster." A deep chuckle escaped his lips as he leaned more forward our noses almost touching.

"You're exactly like me." And then he was gone. Like water rushing out of your ear the hum of the Falcon returned, I was also now aware of the banging on my door.

"Hey, Rey!" Poe called, as he continued to pound on my door. My limbs were shaking as I pushed myself away from my wall and quickly opened the door. "Hey- you okay?" he asked as he took in my appearance. "You're wet."

"Yeah." I breathed, my chest shaking as I took in steady breaths. "What's up?"

"Chewie says we're close," he informed me, his eyes still scrutinizing my face. "I don't know Rey, you look kind of pale."

"It's nothing." I lied while straightening my back. "I thought I saw a spider." I massive, dressed in all black spider.

"Seriously?" he laughed, his eyes crinkling along the corners as his signature smile spread across his lips. "You, a badass Jedi scared of a spider?" Rolling my eyes, I managed to push past him and head back to the cockpit where Chewie was waiting to roll out of hyperspace.

"Agh, aarrrgh," he growled as I took a seat.

"I did not smell that bad!" I argued. Quickly Chewie and I dropped the Falcon out of hyperspeed just as we entered the atmosphere of Ahch-To.

"Is this guy some sort of Monk?" Poe asked as we flew along the crystal clear waters. There was a small island in the distance, three humps made the island and that was it. As we got closer I could make out small huts made of stone along the island. I began to lower the Falcon as we approached the beach, the same pressure building in my chest as we got closer and closer. "Looks like it," Poe added, as he pointed to the hooded figure waiting for us on the beach. I let the landing of the Falcon in Chewies hands since I was new to flying a craft of this size. With my pack and staff in hand, I waited alongside Poe as the cargo ramp began to lower. Waiting at the end was the hooded man, who didn't need an introduction I was already well aware of who he was. I could feel it.

"Rey?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle.

"Yeah," I managed with a small nod.

"I believe you have something of mine."


End file.
